toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
