I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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