i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
