I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
