I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
