oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
