Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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