WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
