He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
