how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My penis needs a shock collar
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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