We won't sleep together?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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