I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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