If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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