YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
