GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
