dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
