i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
