I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize