What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
