Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my shit smells like andre
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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