Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize