I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
