I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
