Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
