So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
