i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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