Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
