Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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