accomplished twins. life is a go
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
