i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize