I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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