it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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