i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
