idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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