Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
