You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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