Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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