i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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