Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
