Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
