he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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