your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize