Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
