Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
