Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize