At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
