guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize