Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
