I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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