so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
