I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
