There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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