Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
