she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
