No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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