my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
