Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
