Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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