Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
