Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
