He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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