all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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