I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
