You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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