ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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