Have you finally orgasmed yet?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
