She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
