Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
