yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
